Fresh Christmas Jokes

    *How do snowmen greet each other?
    Answer: Ice to meet you!

    *How do sheep in Mexico greet Merry Christmas?
    Answer: Fleece Navidad!

    *What kind of music does elves like best when he has to greet?
    Answer: "Wrap" music!

    *How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
    Answer: A merry Christmas to ewe.

    *How do you greet an idiot on Boxing Day?
    Answer: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

    *What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
    Answer: Black mail!

    *Why Santa likes to be greeted with a bear on Christmas Eve?
    Answer: Because he's Sooty!

    *How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
    Answer: "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"

    *How do elves greet each other?
    Answer: "Small world, isn't it?"

Santa Hates Your Kid

Santa Hates Your Kid

8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"  

7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes

6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.

4. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

3. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the stupid list

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

Dirty Christmas Jokes

No cellphone! No Nikes! No Eminem CD!
A sweater! Some mittens! A jacket, so tweedy!
Tommy climbed on the roof and he started to shout
“Hey Santa Claus! Santa Claus! SORT THIS S*** OUT!”

On the eighth pain of Christmas

On the eighth pain of Christmas,
Chuck Norris sent to me
Eight tears a-sulking,
Seven teeth a-spitting,
Six punch a-hitting,
Five painful swings,
Four dying herds,
Three dead men,
Two knuckle shoves,
And destruction with only one knee.