Fresh Christmas Jokes

    *How do snowmen greet each other?
    Answer: Ice to meet you!

    *How do sheep in Mexico greet Merry Christmas?
    Answer: Fleece Navidad!

    *What kind of music does elves like best when he has to greet?
    Answer: "Wrap" music!

    *How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
    Answer: A merry Christmas to ewe.

    *How do you greet an idiot on Boxing Day?
    Answer: Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

    *What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
    Answer: Black mail!

    *Why Santa likes to be greeted with a bear on Christmas Eve?
    Answer: Because he's Sooty!

    *How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
    Answer: "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!"

    *How do elves greet each other?
    Answer: "Small world, isn't it?"

Santa Hates Your Kid

Santa Hates Your Kid

8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"  

7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes

6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.

4. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

3. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the stupid list

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

On the eighth pain of Christmas

On the eighth pain of Christmas,
Chuck Norris sent to me
Eight tears a-sulking,
Seven teeth a-spitting,
Six punch a-hitting,
Five painful swings,
Four dying herds,
Three dead men,
Two knuckle shoves,
And destruction with only one knee.

Funny Christmas Text Messages

If you wake up tomorrow morning
and find no gifts from Santa,
do not assume that he fails to exist.
In fact that shall truly prove Santa's existence,
because I have wished for your wishlist as my gift.
Merry Christmas

Christmas Joke

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on
the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from
the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he
could hardly wait to tell his parents.
As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, “I learned all
about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There
wasn’t a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on
camels had to deliver all the toys!
And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn’t
there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to
find their way around!”

Funny Christmas Eggnog Joke

Your Eggnog’s Too Strong
If you see a fat man …
Who’s jolly and cute,
wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit,
and if he is chuckling
and laughing away,
while flying around
in a miniature sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along,
then lets face it…
Your eggnog’s too strong.

Funny Xmas Jokes - Father Xmas Calls

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Xmas.'
A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Xmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason.
'What's the matter, Al?' I asked.
'Ummmm', replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Xmas'.