Dirty Christmas Jokes

No cellphone! No Nikes! No Eminem CD!
A sweater! Some mittens! A jacket, so tweedy!
Tommy climbed on the roof and he started to shout
“Hey Santa Claus! Santa Claus! SORT THIS S*** OUT!”

On the eighth pain of Christmas

On the eighth pain of Christmas,
Chuck Norris sent to me
Eight tears a-sulking,
Seven teeth a-spitting,
Six punch a-hitting,
Five painful swings,
Four dying herds,
Three dead men,
Two knuckle shoves,
And destruction with only one knee.

Funny Christmas Text Messages

If you wake up tomorrow morning
and find no gifts from Santa,
do not assume that he fails to exist.
In fact that shall truly prove Santa's existence,
because I have wished for your wishlist as my gift.
Merry Christmas

Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas